I’m not busy.
I’m not knackered.
I’m not ‘back to back’ with things on.
I have made choices to do less, have more space, say no to things that are no longer heartfelt…
…and yet in this space things come up – issues around value, self-worth and responsibility; inner criticism that feeds on ideas that to be loved and worthy you should be contributing deep beautiful work (and always busy); knowledge that there is much to do and much urgency… and sometimes i collapse under that, believe i am not enough, that if my life was worthwhile i would have more to offer…
Sometimes i don’t see what i can do that’s useful, heartfelt and authentic, and there is some shame.
Yet when i check, it seems like wisdom to allow space for reflection and integration, to wait and rest until i see more clearly what to do.
This is my practice with shame – speak it aloud and see that the world doesn’t collapse when I admit what is already true. I feel my body tense up as i type, yet it is also kind of exciting, freeing!
I’d love to hear any reflections, if any of this resonates – how is it for you when you stop being busy?