Not busy

I’m not busy.

I’m not knackered.

I’m not ‘back to back’ with things on.

I have made choices to do less, have more space, say no to things that are no longer heartfelt…

…and yet in this space things come up – issues around value, self-worth and responsibility; inner criticism that feeds on ideas that to be loved and worthy you should be contributing deep beautiful work (and always busy); knowledge that there is much to do and much urgency… and sometimes i collapse under that, believe i am not enough, that if my life was worthwhile i would have more to offer…

Sometimes i don’t see what i can do that’s useful, heartfelt and authentic, and there is some shame.

Yet when i check, it seems like wisdom to allow space for reflection and integration, to wait and rest until i see more clearly what to do.

This is my practice with shame – speak it aloud and see that the world doesn’t collapse when I admit what is already true. I feel my body tense up as i type, yet it is also kind of exciting, freeing!

I’d love to hear any reflections, if any of this resonates – how is it for you when you stop being busy?

Published by vivslack

Ideas, outdoors, adventure, sustainability, social good.

2 thoughts on “Not busy

  1. I love this Viv, and it all resonates. I have also made similar choices, and life has recently offered me additional circumstances, which all lead to a lot of rest and reflection time. I love it and I benefit from it and yet I also feel that cyclical pull of “am I enough?” coming round again and again. It’s a practice, like you said, one that I will keep choosing. Lovely writing, thank you xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love this too – I recently explored it the other way too. ie
    If I am ‘way busy’, ‘back to back’ etc …

    … These are also choices made – and it’s worth asking – why?
    Some of my recent answers:
    To attempt to feel greater purpose due to a fear of being irrelevant?
    To attempt to exert more control over things around me?
    To avoid developing my own ideas?

    Like

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